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Wedding Advice: Be Compassionate and Patient

Shaykh Nour Kabbani

25 December 2015 Chicago

A`oodhu billahi min ash-Shaytani ‘r-rajeem. Bismillahi 'r-Rahmani 'r-Raheem. Alhamdulillahi Rabbi 'l-`Alameen, wa ’s-salaatu wa ’s-salaamu `alaa ashrafi 'l-mursaleena Sayyidina wa Nabiyyina Muhammadin wa `alaa aalihi wa sahbihi ajma`een.

As-salaamu `alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. I would like everybody to look at the person next to them and also the people sitting at your table. Just take a look who is around you and who are they. What do you see? You see suits, dresses, colors, jewellery, you see glitter. It’s happiness, it’s a happy day! We see the bride and groom dressed up in beautiful colors, he is wearing a beautiful turban, roses, fancy slippers, everything looks perfect, including them and everybody here. What did Prophet (s) say? Prophet (s) talks about his Lord, that Allah (swt) doesn't look at your image, or your jewellery or if you are following fashion or not, what colour dress or makeup or shoes you wear, He (swt) looks at our hearts.

The Prophet (s) said, “Allah does not look at your outward appearance and your goods, He looks only at your hearts and your deeds.” (Muslim, Ibn Majah, Ahmad b. Hanbal)

Tonight our Lord is looking at our hearts, and what does He want to see in the hearts, especially in the bride’s and groom’s hearts? He sees all the intentions, everything you desire, and He likes to see two things in the hearts of His servants. Whatever you read in Qur’an or Hadith, what Allah wants us to obey falls into these two categories:

1. T`azheem, to acknowledge Allah’s Greatness and to give high respect to the order of Allah (swt). The bride and groom have that because today they are following the command of Allah (swt) and the rest of us here who are not married have to be careful as Allah (swt) is looking to the hearts and likes to see His servants obey His commands, and tonight the bride and groom are obeying the command of Allah (swt) and they are happy and they are having a blessed marriage, which Allah (swt) likes.

1. The second is to have shafqah, to have compassion towards Allah’s Creation. He likes to see compassion for other servants in our hearts: tenderness, kind-heartedness, mercy, humaneness.

So tonight my advice to the bride and groom and to me and everyone here is that we must have compassion and mercy for each other in our hearts, as Allah (swt) likes His servants to be tender, patient, compassionate, and sympathy for each other. This applies to every human being. In Islam, everyone must be tender, compassionate and merciful to his fellow human beings. Whoever follows Sunnah and Hadith and Qur’an has these two characteristics in their heart. Mashaa’Allah, our bride and groom have the first one, t`azheem, to hold high the command of Allah (swt) and His Prophet (s). If you are unmarried, Allah (swt) is watching your heart and inshaa-Allah you will get married and sit at a dais like this, dressed nicely, looking happy, with everyone applauding you!

The second thing to know is there is a certain group of people, the servants of ar-Rahman, which inshaa-Allah all of us are, that says:

وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا أُوْلَئِكَ يُجْزَوْنَ الْغُرْفَةَ بِمَا صَبَرُوا وَيُلَقَّوْنَ فِيهَا تَحِيَّةً وَسَلَامًا

And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant to us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous; Those will be rewarded with the highest place in Heaven because of their constant patience, where they will be met with salutations and peace." (Surat al-Furqan, 25:74)

“O our Lord! Give us good wives and husbands and good children, and make us imam, leaders for the good ones. They (spouses asking for good children) will be granted Paradise if they are patient.” It means the wife has to be patient with the husband and the husband has to be patient with the wife, also mothers and fathers, children with their parents, and parents with their children. Patience is a big virtue that must be held up high, as well. Be patient and Allah (swt) will bless you! Be patient and compassionate with your spouse and Allah (swt) will be happy when He looks at your heart and sees that you are affectionate to His creatures and your fellow human beings.

I ask Allah (swt) to bless your marriage, to make you a leader of Muslims, ustaadh and ustaadha, the bride also, yes, why not? Allah (swt) said Sayyida `Ayesha is from Ummuhat al-Mu’mineen, Mother of the Believers and she taught a lot of Companions and the Tabi`een (second generation of Muslims).

May Allah (swt) make you leaders among Muslims and affectionate to one another, and may He bless this gathering of fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles, sisters, brothers and cousins. May Allah (swt) bless all of you! May Allah (swt) forgive all of us and make us do the right thing and avoid what is bad, what is not recommended by His Prophet (s) and not ordered by Allah (swt).

I am not going to take too long as you have heard enough from me. I thank you for honoring me with your presence and inshaa-Allah we will be in each other's presence again.

As-salaamu `alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.


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